This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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