it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
