Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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