Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
