I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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