I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
