I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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