i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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