Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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