so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
