things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
