Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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