my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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