I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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