my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
