Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
third nipple confirmed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
