Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
