What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
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i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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