So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
