His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
