I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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