Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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