Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
