Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
