What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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