i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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