Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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