If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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