I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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