Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
