New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
