This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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