It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
