so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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