I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
