Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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