after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
