Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
