just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
