I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
