i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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