Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
