he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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