I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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