yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
