Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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