pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
