So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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