I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
