What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
