Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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