PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
