Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
