It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
