I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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