Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
