I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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