He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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