threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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