Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
