Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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