If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
