there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
