I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
