Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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