Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
