i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
