you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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