you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
