what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
